Teen Takes Tops From Top Scientists

Fourteen-year old whiz kid and part-time babysitter Suzie Smith of Fredonia, New York bested scientists from fifty-four nations as she demonstrated the nearly unlimited potential of fusion power. Connecting a series of magnets, wires, water wheels and assorted odds and ends from local garage sales and hardware stores, Suzie built an atom-splitter next to one of the many waterfalls of Cataraugus Creek. Scientists were stunned, then amazed, and finally shocked as Suzie's officially derided "high school project" created enough power to run the entire town.

"We thought we had the problem solved with hamsters and running wheels," said Dash Rockjaw, incredibly handsome spokesperson for the international team of engineers. "The problem is, hamsters get tired. Or worse. This kid figured out how to make water do all the work. You have to hand it to her."