Club Hit Hard

The Root Cellar and Radish-Eaters Club, an organized role-playing group for young adults, was cited for improper initiation practices for new members. According to teens who failed their initiation, club members required them to perform such acts as putting live tarantulas in their mouths, somersaulting down garbage heaps and drinking chilled gourmet coffee products from a tamale husk.

Eric Bozo, a 16-year-old youth, was turned down for membership because he was unwilling to have his hair permed into the shape of a cartoon character. "I told them the smell of that solution makes me puke, and I’d rather do the spider thing instead, but they told me to make like a tree and bark," sighed Bozo. Since the organization was unable to raise the $8,000,000 to pay for court costs, the group will disband. The only comment given by former club president was, "Imagination imitates life."