High Test Scores Please Local Educators

Smiles adorned the faces of all participants at the meeting of the local school board last night. The glee was occasioned by the announcement from Boris Brainpan, principal of Hippocket High, that test scores had risen .000004 since last Tuesday's measurement. A commission has been enlisted to study the source of the surge.

"Of course, it could have been the increase in green, leafy vegetables served in the cafeteria," said Brainpan. "Then again, it may be that we revoked the 3 pm happy hour in the quad," he added. "Of course, the tests that we used to get the scores could have some implicit bias," he muttered, while a small amount of spittle trailed off at the corner of his tiny mouth.