Lots for Tot Spots

Stakes are high in this year's learning lottery, where 4-year-old children will draw lots for a spot in next fall's kindergarten class. Due to massive overcrowding, only 63% of eligible kindergartners will be secured a place. The losers must forfeit their right to public education for the rest of their natural lives, and must be permenantly marked at a state-sponsored skin-art parlor. In a 34-minute procedure, each school-free child will get a yellow and black 'Have a Nice Day' smiley face tatooed on their chin. These children will be directed toward careers in banking, journalism and the airline industry.