New Reading Program Might Not Make the Grade

In a last-ditch effort to reverse the downward trend in reading scores, ^C1 Grammar School adopted a controversial, yet potentially innocuous program called Whole Language Education. "Thisselbee a grate new beeginin for yung PU-pills...sumpin dakin kary wittim dare hole livs," wrote principal Lucy Bowels in a report to the school board, which recently gave a 'Tum Zup' to the new program.