Magnitude 2.7 Quake Caresses City

Dogs yawned, ice cubes stayed frozen, and small children tossed but didn't turn when a piddling earthquake slunk through the neighboring town of Gilmartin (about fifty miles from ^C1) at 3 am this morning. Though there were no reports of damages or injuries, Archimedes Jehosophat, dean (and sole instructor/administrator/distilled water dispenser) of the community college geology department was heard to remark, "It ain't the magnitude, it's the motion."

Damage near the epicenter in ^C1 has not yet been reported.

The Gilmartin Potbellied Pig Mud-Wrestling and Barbecued Ribs event will go on today as scheduled.