High Unemployment Deepens Blugdrth Troubles

The last skeleton crew at the Blugdrth Cement and Warp Drive Works plant was sent home today and the plant closed for good. Once the city's largest employer, the successful company was rocked by a series of scandals, the greatest of which was the discovery that Smregth Blugdrth, the company's founder, is a Sasquatch, and not an Armenian as he claimed.

"I was suspicious at first when I saw him eating a live rat that he caught in the warehouse," said the plant's former foreman, Forhead Forgone. "But I knew something was up when he killed the line supervisor for bumping him in the hallway." Blugdrth was on a hunger strike in the city jail and was unavailable for comment.